Is She Having an Affair? (Another inquiry)

I've been happily married for twelve years. My wife and I are both 41 years old and love each other very much. Back in April my wife began staying at work for 8 to 10 hours a day. The problem is she is a part-time worker and is not allowed to work no more than 4 hours a day. I began to think she was cheating on me. We spent little time together and she seemed to be avoiding me both emotionally & physically. Our sex life had trickled down to once a month, she was never home and I noticed her passion was not the same. She has never had a vaginal orgasm during sex but she has alway been able to have multi-orgasms during oral sex.

When I asked her if she was cheating she said she could never do such a thing. In June my wife quit her part-time job and I've noticed the difference in her. Her passion has more than returned. She wants sex every day,sometimes two or three times a day, and she can have a vaginal orgasm in the first 2 to 3 minutes of sex. Sometimes she can have 3 orgasms in a 5 minute period. She's like a new woman.

For the past 2 months I've had this dream about my wife cheating on me when she was still working. I dream about this almost every night. It's driving crazy. I have to know the truth!!! Is it possible for woman who has never had a vaginal orgasm to all of a sudden start having multi-orgasm in a short period of time? Or did she cheat on me during the time she was working? My wife is set to go back to work in the fall.

PLEASE HELP, I"M AT THE END OF MY ROPE!!!
DID SHE OR DIDN'T SHE CHEAT ON ME?

 

Our answer...

Thanks for writing.
We have pondered your situation and discussed all kinds of possibilities with professionals and those in the know. There are a few things that we are not clear on, but that helps formulate an answer.

First, part time work has a habit of changing just as full-time work does. Was she working every day of the week or only a couple of days? What line of work was she in? Did you ask her why she was frequently staying late? On those late days, did you call her at work to see if there was something that needed to get done or just to check to see if she was OK? There are times when my partner would work late and she would frequently go into work on Saturday to get caught up. There was no reason to suspect otherwise. But, if you are really worried look for...

...preoccupation or pulling away from you
...comments or behavior that is out of character
...change in attitude..for better or worse and picking fights when there is nothing much to fight over
...suddenly improvement in physique and/or wardrobe
...new hobbies that require absence from you
...unusual gifts that you did not get her

You may also want to look at the "32 Emotional Signs That He's Cheating."

But, instead of instilling more doubts and worry, we would like to offer you these thoughts...

When someone works a long day, especially in an intense job, fatigue sets in. You didn't mention anything about children. If she worked all day then came home to household chores, she could get even more tired. When she was working those long days, did you chip in and help with housework or taking care of the kids? If so, great. If not, she may have become resentful at having to work all day plus do housework at night. Assume for a moment that she was not having an affair. Pure fatigue would cause a healthy person to not want sex. If I am that tired, I want to sit and vegetate in front of the TV or at some mindless task to take my mind off things. As we have said in other responses, the largest sex organ of the body is the brain. If the brain is exhausted, you just ain't gonna perform.'
You mentioned that since quitting her job, her passion has returned. This could be due to her getting adequate rest and/or getting away from stressful situations. Plus, you also mentioned that you are both in your 40s. Unlike men, women reach their sexual peak in their 30s and 40s. Yes, it's too bad that us men peak in our late teens and 20s. I think it's really unfair.

Being that what it may, there are things you might want to consider. She's horny...she is at her sexual peak. This is good. Also, she has seemed to gain a heightened sexual response. You are worried that it might be due to her having an affair. But, we have to ask, what does she do all day while you are at work? People who are having an affair generally do not want to have sex with their spouse...they want their lover. Sure, there is the obligatory bang, but not like what you are describing.

Again, what is she doing with her time? Many people, women and men alike, want to improve things in the bedroom Just look at the magazine rack at the supermarket! Supposed she wanted to please you and, at the same time, gain more sexual satisfaction. So, she picks up a magazine, book, or surfs the Internet finding things she wants to try -- with you. She may even experiment at home...alone...to see what happens. And, now, she is a new woman!
In reality there are only two ways to confirm if she is having an affair. Catch her in the act or get a DNA sample when she comes home from a late day at the office. But, if you try sneaking around or confront her for a DNA sample, she is really gonna be pissed!
But, honestly, there really isn't anything unusual. Our suggestion...lay back and enjoy the ride. Experiment with each other and talk to hr about your feelings openly, honestly, and without accusation

If she is indeed having an affair, this is not the end of the marriage or the world. People do survive and reinvigorate the love they initially found with each other.

But, the way you have describe things, we doubt she is having an affair.

Best of luck.

Back to Topics