She's not getting wet
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. We have been through various problems together. I often find myself stressed very much and overreact at any little situations. About two - three years ago, I began experiencing problems during sexual intercourse. First, I lost the ability to lubricate, meaning my vagina would not produce enough moisture during excitation, and recently I can not contract. During sex, my vagina would become more stretched than my partner's penis. He says that he does not feel me much and that sometimes he can put up to three fingers in my vagina at the same time he is inside.
Now, I feel stressed every time we do it and worry that I will become tight enough, yet often I can not. The worst is that I can not reach an orgasm. I never had any sexual partners before him or since we are going out together. I am worried, since my boyfriend sometime questions me if I didn't cheat on him, because he says that the only reason why I can't get excited and reach an orgasm plus having a stretched vagina is that I am cheating on him with someone that would have a larger penis than him, and that he doesn’t excite me. I really do not know what to do, I do not feel motivated to try and search because I get discouraged every time there's a problem and all I can find myself do is to worry. Things are not getting any better, please help me.
Our answer...
First, failure to lubricate could be caused by getting older, but more than likely and based on your note, your decreased lubrication is due to not being adequately stimulated by your boyfriend. Your lubrication may also be inhibited by the stress that you feel because of the problems the two of you are having. To test this out, try self-pleasuring while alone. You may want to try manual stimulation or using any number of toys such as vibrators or dildos for your pleasuring. If you find that you are lubricating nicely with self-stimulation, your lack of lubrication may be due to the stressful relationship with him. If you find that your own lubrication is not sufficient, you can try one of many lubricants commercially available such as KY Jelly or Astroglide.. These lubricants will work well for sexual pleasure with or without a partner.
As far as the size of your vagina, rest assured that the vagina stretches normally during sex and that you seem to be normal. When not stimulated, the vagina is known as a potential space, meaning that it is a collapsed tube. With sexual contact, the vagina opens and stretches. Your comment that your boyfriend can insert three fingers inside your vagina is not surprising or distressing...it is normal! The vagina can stretch to accommodate a baby's head during delivery. So, just because your vagina stretches to accommodate three fingers does not mean that you are cheating on him.
Without being disparaging and not really saying anything is wrong with your boyfriend, he just might be on the smaller end of the penis size spectrum. To tighten things up a bit, you might want to try some Kegel exercises to strengthen the muscles that surround your vagina. You can learn about the exercises at the following websites:
http://www.childbirth.org/articles/kegel.html
and
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/003975.htm
Tightening the pelvic muscles will increase sexual pleasure for both you and your partner.
We can appreciate your discomfort and discouragement. After your experiment, you may then need to choose whether you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend or go into couples counseling to resolve the problems that have caused the disharmony and sexual difficulties or, ultimately end the liaison.
We hope that all works out for you!