Culture May Cause Delay in Having Sex

I have a girlfriend for a year and a half and I and her is still a virgin. I really want to experience sex. But I am so scared to ask my girlfriend for making love fearing that she might thinked that I am a sex maniac or something and eventually broke our relationship. Too bad we Asians are not very open about making love.

Is there a way that I can convince her so that she accepts my idea? I dont want to do it because I love her, I just want to experience it and feel good about it. I am at my 20's and I just cant be a virgin for so long. I feel hopeless and jealous of my friends who have done it. Please help sir.

Our answer...

Thanks for asking us!

There are several questions that we have for you to ponder, but first, let us talk a little about sexuality and the Asian culture.

In an article written by Okazaki, the Asian culture is sexually conservative and generally shares the goals of the family over those of the individual. In addition, there is strong emphasis on social codes including reserving sexual intimacy for marriage along with sexual restraint and modesty. This conservatism typically leads to sexual activity at a later age when compared to some other cultures. Thus, your remaining a virgin into your 20s is not surprising.

With that in mind, there are a few comments/questions that we would like to share and pose.
You state that you are afraid to ask your girlfriend to have sex. Have you talked about sexual things like intimacy. We have to assume that you have not asked her, "How do you feel about sex before marriage?" Do you know or are you merely assuming that she does not want to have sex before marriage? Please note that she may be as 'horny' as you, but afraid to talk to you about it!

Do you engage or enjoy any form of physical intimacy such as deep kissing, heavy petting, etc? If so, who stops it before it leads to sexual intercourse? Have you touched her breasts or clitoris? Has she touched your penis? Has there been any mutual masturbation? If not, you may want to start there and see where things go.

If you have been making out, let it continue to see where it leads. If you haven't been making out, start! If you expect your girlfriend to immediately lay back with her legs open waiting for you to enter her without any or with very little foreplay, you are in for a rude awakening. She likes to get turned on, too and she will be more receptive to your advances if she has been properly warmed up.

In your email, you state, "I dont want to do it because I love her, I just want to experience it and feel good about it." We read that statement as saying, "I just want to get laid." There is nothing wrong with that, but in the context you mention, if she feels that she is doing it because she loves you and finds out that love on your part is not even part of the deal, she may feel cheapened or used -- something that could potentially damage your relationship.

There is no magic answer that will convince her to go all the way. But, it is important to remember three things:

Good luck and thanks for asking!

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