Diddlin'
When Intercourse
is Not an Option...
Giving her pleasure manually
For some, sexual intercourse is not possible. This may be due to a variety
of things, such as simply getting to know each other and postponing
sexual intercourse until later. But the general concept is that penetration
is not going to happen. So, when you are going to explore her, there are
a few simple guidelines to follow.
Some *general* guidelines for ‘diddling’ her
There are four, easy-to-remember
things:
1. Clean fingers!
2. Clipped fingernails, and no rough edges and no hangnails!
3. Pay attention to where you touch and her reaction to each touch
4. Most importantly…BE GENTLE
Her Response Is Key
In looking at the third item above one can find the true secret of
pleasing her - paying attention to what she likes. This means not
following what
the books say. Nor should you expect her to react passionately to a
turn-on for
what else.
First and most important, pay attention to her moans, her movements, and her breathing. Learn what those mean. Does she always pant and thrust her hips when she's about to come? Does she stay silent when things aren't that exciting but moan when they're getting hot?
It’s perfectly OK to ask if she's close to orgasm or if she's enjoying your hand and tongue. You're doing incredibly intimate things and should feel free to talk about them. If either one of you is shy, do it in the dark. But do it and do it tenderly and lovingly.
Here are some specific suggestions
when exploring and pleasuring her.
Try touching her two different ways then ask, "Do you like it better
when I do this or that? Would it be better when you're more
turned on or better at the beginning?"
Make sure your hands are clean, your nails are very very short, and you have no hangnails. During intimate touches, “ouch” is something that you don’t want to hear. But, if she says ouch, pay attention and change what you're doing or find out why there was discomfort. Scraping the vaginal lips, clitoris, or inside the vagina is not pleasurable for either partner.
Don’t be offended if she doesn't like a particular touch. You're there to learn to please her. The same thing applies when you hit one of her limits (something she really doesn't like). For example, if her breasts are tender right before her period, don't grab them or handle them roughly.
Some women love direct clitoral stimulation, while others hate it. Some like it at later stages of arousal, just before orgasm. Discover what she likes, when she likes it, and remember this about her.
Try different kinds of touch -- rubbing lightly, rubbing gently, rubbing firmly, penetration with the fingers, licking, sucking, stroking. Try touching her everywhere, including other non-sexual parts of her body.
Use lube as needed. Younger women may not need it, but once you reach the forties (or for some women, use birth-control pills) or start doing anal exploration, you need lube and lots of it.
Many women enjoy g-spot stimulation. Slide a couple of clean, lubricated fingers into her, and make a beckoning motion against the front wall. You may have to move around to find the spot, which feels a bit different from most of the vaginal wall. It's intensely stimulating to many women -- and has been described as "very hot."
Should you worry about infection?
If you wash your hands thoroughly before getting intimate, there is less risk of causing an infection. However, in washing your hands, pay attention to your fingernails and clean them thoroughly. Use a fingernail brush if needed. You do not need to 'sterilize' your hands, just wash them. If you have noticeable sores or infections on your fingers, it’s probably wise not to insert those fingers into her.
When playing with the clitoris and vagina, you may also want to spend some time with another erogenous zone – the anus. If you insert fingers into her anus, do not put them back into her vagina since you could cause a vaginal infection. Using different fingers or, perhaps, different hands will reduce the risk of causing any vaginal infection.